Rude Software is Still Rude

I should be used to this by now, given that I wrote a rant about it three and a half years ago, but every now and then it still jumps up in my face and bugs me. I walk into a fast food place and start to order.

"Hello, I'd like a number..."

"Will this be for here or to go?"

It's bad enough that they're interrupting me. That's rude, but people are rude to me all day long. What really gets my goat is that they don't intend to be rude to me. It seems to be the way their POS software is designed; they seem to be required to ask that question first before they can take the rest of my order. Thanks to this stupid-ass program, it is their job to be rude to me.

And as I said, I've been complaining about this for years. I should be used to it by now, except that not only is it rude, it's a bad design. This is just a guess, but I'd say nine times out of ten, the main thought on people's minds when they step up to order is what food they're asking for. That's my priority, that's what I'm thinking about, that's the reason I walked into your place of business in the first place. So why is it so hard to just let me order and then decide on the delivery details?

Imagine trying to order something from Amazon, and every time, before it lets you choose which book you want to buy, it makes you choose how you want it delivered first. It's ridiculous.

I'm looking at you KFC, Chick Fil-A, Arby's. Maybe also Long John Silver's and A&W; it's been so long since I've eaten there that I forget if they do it too. I like your food (some more than others), and with the exception of KFC, I enjoy visiting your restaurants. But seriously, even when I don't get interrupted because the person opened the conversation with the question before I could speak, I notice that the question comes first and that it's not the way I want to order.

If this bothers you too, pass it on.

This Takes Me Back

There was an article on Yahoo's front page today about the best fried chicken in America, and one of the places they mention is a place in Chicago called Crisp that serves Korean-style fried chicken. Which of course immediately set my mind to Pelicana Chicken (warning-the site is not only in Korean, but there's a commercial in the lower-right corner that you can't turn off!!!--bad form).

I've mentioned Pelicana before. It's a Korean fried chicken chain whose specialty was crispy chicken with a spicy-sweet garlic sauce that I just loved. The closest thing I've had to it in the U.S. is General Tso's (they may in fact be the same basic recipe, but it's hard to remember the exact flavor of the chicken I had in Korea 13 years ago beyond OMG!). Not that it was perfect. In fact, half the time, the chicken was likely to be overcooked and a little dry inside, and the sauce was insanely sticky. But I loved the taste of the sauce so much that when I could afford it, Pelicana was a wonderful treat.

The big problem with Pelicana was that it was a twenty-minute walk from our post to the nearest location. So I didn't have it often. But one day as I was driving past a Pelicana on some exercise or other, I noticed that there was a little descriptive phrase on the sign that said (Romanizing here because I'm too lazy to learn how to type it up in Hangul) yangnyeom tongdalk. So it occurred to me that maybe Pelicana's recipe wasn't in fact unique, and that maybe this was a more commonly available dish.

(quick aside--in Wikipedia's listing, they give the spelling as tongdak without the 'l,' because it is mostly silent, but the funny thing to me is, though both romanizations feature the word "tongdak," the Hangul says yangnyeom chikin).

There was a little place in the ville near the post where some folks often went to nosh after a long evening of drinking. One afternoon as I was walking past, I noticed that they had yangnyeom tongdalk listed on the window. So I went in and ordered it.

Here's the thing about Koreans: they know that most Americans have very little knowledge of or appreciation for their culture, and they know that Americans have very narrow palates. When an American comes into a Korean place, they're either going to order (depending on the restaurant) ramyun (ramen), bulgogi (grilled beef), or mandu (potsticker dumplings).

Want to freak out a Korean whose only experience with Americans is serving mandu to drunk G.I.'s every night? Order something Americans don't normally order, like dolsot bibimbab (mixed rice, vegetables and egg served in a sizzling-hot stone bowl) or tteok manduguk (soup made with mandu dumplings and rice cakes--my KATUSA roommate was quite amused when I told him one of my favorite Korean dishes was tteok manduguk--I don't know if he was surprised I knew the name, or if he just thought I was weird for liking it).

Or in my case, yangnyeom tongdalk.

The lady in the shop went to work making the dish, repeating the name over and over to herself, as if she couldn't really believe it. I don't know if she was amazed an American was ordering it, or annoyed at the amount of extra work I was creating for her, because she had plenty of mandu already made and ready to serve--was I sure I didn't want some nice mandu, because it was right there!--and this stuff she was having to make from scratch.

It wasn't quite the same as Pelicana, but it was pretty good. But given the reaction from the lady, I never went back.

God, now I'm dying for some good Korean food, and I can't afford it.

Food Hacking

Since I've rejoined the bachelor life, I've started making a lot more of my own meals (partly for economic reasons, partly because I don't live as close to eating places now as I did before). Back when I first got engaged, I decided to learn how to cook, at least a little, and discovered I enjoyed it.

But what I do now, you couldn't really call cooking. I don't make things from scratch; I buy prepackaged ingredients, then "enhance" them. It's more like food hacking.

For instance, ramen. Back in college, I would buy a packet of ramen and fix it according to the instructions on the label. Bland and boring. But when I was in Korea, I noticed that they use ramen like the stone in stone soup. Cook the ramen, then add all kinds of things to it to make it more nutritious and more palatable.

So here's my current take on ramen, although I reserve the right to play with stuff with every new batch. I start with a basic package of ramen and sliced hot links or sausage or hot dogs (depending on how broke I am) for protein. But when I'm boiling the water, I add a splash of wine (usually dry sherry, though I've experimented with red as well) and a sprinkle of fresh rosemary (maybe a half-teaspoon or so). The ramen is so salty that this adds only the slightest undertone of flavor, but it makes the house smell wonderful. I boil the noodles and hot dogs, then stir in the flavor packet and take it to the bowl. Once it's in the bowl, I add shredded cheese and a splash of bitters (I could do this in the pot, but the cheese makes a sticky mess, and it's easier to only clean it out of one container).

I used to add egg, also, but I haven't bought eggs in a long time. I've got some frozen shrimp I could try, and I could add fresh vegetables, but that starts to sound too much like cooking. What I'm doing now is quick and convenient, but has more flavor and depth than simply eating what comes out of the pack. That's food hacking.

Any easy food hacks you'd like to share?

Rude Software

Pardon me while I don my rant cap for a moment. Strong language follows, so beware.

I mentioned a while back that I had stopped going to KFC. As I was passing by one today on my way to lunch, I decided to stop in and give them another try. I previously mentioned my annoyance at their new menu scheme; well, it's no longer new, really, but it still sucks.

The menu board is a big Colorforms toy, with big magnetic pictures stuck haphazardly with no obvious organization. Worse, they've taken away my previous favorite default choice: the two piece chicken and biscuit. Popeye's did the same thing, but KFC is worse. At Popeye's at least, you can get a combo with just one side item. KFC forces you to have two side items if you just want a couple fucking pieces of fried chicken.

Here's how bad the menu is: I ordered the boneless wings combo for $5.49--5 wings, fries and a drink. They had to cook the fries, which meant I was waiting on the food for a long time. When I finally got my order, I also had an apple pie. I was confused, but the lady confirmed my order--5 piece wings combo--so I assumed the pie was a bonus for having had to wait so long for my food. When I was leaving, I noticed they had a special going for exactly what thought I had ordered for $.50 less. Why did I pay extra? Because the pie is part of the normal combo. I ordered something without knowing I was ordering it, because the combo is only described by a picture in the far upper corner of the menu. That's bad menu design.

But that's not why I'm ranting. What really annoys me (and this happens at other fast-food places, not just KFC) is when I have this conversation.

SMILING EMPLOYEE DOOFUS: Hello, welcome to ????, may I take your order?

ME: Yes, I'd like...

SMILING EMPLOYEE DOOFUS: Will this be dine-in or carry-out?

I understand that the register software wants you to enter that field first. But don't fucking ask me for my order, then interrupt me when I start to give it. It's just rude, and it annoys the hell out of me every time it happens. And it's just one more reason for me to go to your competitor next time I get hungry.

I seriously want to find the software designer who came up with that design and kick him in the balls. For all of us. For the children.

Dumb fuck.

Popeye's and Other Chicken

Found a Popeye's within easy driving distance of work, which makes me happy. I like Popeye's chicken more than most other fast-food chicken places. Church's spicy comes close, but it's too dry, and their biscuits aren't as good either. KFC Original Recipe is probably still good, but every KFC I've visited in the past couple of years has given awful service, plus I hate the way they've rejiggered their menu, so I stopped going. Pelicana Chicken is awesome, but I'm nowhere near South Korea, so I haven't had it in a while; General Tso's chicken comes close, though, so I usually pile that stuff on when I hit a Chinese buffet. The only big problem I have with Popeye's is that they're expensive; $5.49 for a two-piece meal with drink. At least Church's offers some lower-priced options.

I read an interesting factoid on the Wikipedia site for Popeye's Chicken. Apparently, it did not take its name from Popeye the Sailor. I had assumed that Popeye's was part of that late 60's/early 70's fad of celebrities adding their names to fast food joints, like Minnie Pearl Fried Chicken or Roy Rogers Roast Beef.

We had a Minnie Pearl in Oklahoma City for a while, on Britton Road IIRC. The chicken was okay, nothing special (it was never intended to be special; the entire chain was founded on the concept of being Pepsi to KFC's Coke--a second-best siphoning off excess business). The chain mostly went under a few years later after an SEC investigation into accounting problems and allegations of stock price manipulation.

My stepfather used to bring home Roy Rogers sandwiches. They were awful, dry things that turned me off roast beef for years. I would go to Arby's with friends in college and just eat fries because I couldn't stand the thought of eating another cardboard sandwich. Most of the Roy Rogers in my area got turned into Hardee's in the 90's, and good riddance, I said.

So, with that kind of track record for franchised "celebrity name" restaurants, I figured Popeye's would be just another joint with nearly inedible food trying to make a fast buck with a famous name. Imagine my surprise when I finally broke down and visited the Popeye's near USC and discovered not only tasty chicken, but biscuits better than any I'd ever tasted before. I loved Popeye's in Los Angeles, couldn't find it in OKC or Tulsa when I moved back, had it again in the Army (Popeye's and Burger King were favorite destinations in Korea when we visited Camp Casey on "official" business). There are a few locations in Tulsa now, but none were within convenient driving distance, or so I thought.

Now I find out that, not only is there one close enough to visit frequently, but I was mistaken about the celebrity-name thing. Popeye's actually got its name from the character of Popeye Doyle in "The French Connection." So the famous name franchise curse is still operational.

Yeah, but what about Kenny Roger's Roasters? you ask. Their chicken was awesome.

I agree. Very tasty. But they made the mistake of charging sit-down restaurant prices for fast-food, and now there's only one location left, according to Wikipedia. The curse lives on.

Big Mac Anniversary

So yesterday, the news is full of stories about the 40th anniversary of the Big Mac. I remember when they first released the Big Mac. They had these commercials with this guy dressed like a lumberjack standing on a mountaintop, proclaiming the advent of a new burger. I'm sure he said something like, "big as the Great Outdoors" or something like that.

What was not noted in any of the stories I saw, however, nor on the Wikipedia site, is that the Big Mac was almost certainly a copy of the Big Boy Burger, signature burger of Big Boy restaurants nationwide. Compare the Big Mac above with the Big Boy burger here. They're almost identical. Same two patties with cheese, same Thousand Island dressing code-named "special sauce," same sesame seed bun with a special bunlet in the middle. The only things missing from the description on the Big Boy menu are the pickles and those nasty reconstituted onion shavings McDonalds puts on their old-school burgers.

Even the name, Big Mac, is a pretty obvious shout-out to its origin as the Big Boy. So if you're having a Big Mac to celebrate the anniversary, take a moment to give thanks to Big Boy for providing the inspiration.